Born July 4th, 1930

Dead July 13th, 2010

High of His Life: George Michael Steinbrenner III got to own the Biggest sports franchise in the world, and then he somehow made himself even bigger. He returned the struggling Yankees to greatness, and they are currently the most profitable team in all of sports mainly because of him.

Steinbrenner won not just at the bank, but on the field as well; his Yankee teams brought home 7 World Series Championships during his time as owner, including 2009, the last World Series he’d be alive for.

Most notable, however, should be Steinbrenner’s considerable charity work. He often donated to the families of police officers in the New York area who had lost their lives in the line of duty. He was also a big supporter of the Boys and Girls Club and the Salvation Army, and donated approximately $1 million to St. Joseph’s Children’s Hospital.

He was also featured prominently in the television series Seinfeld, voiced by Larry David, and got to share a nickname with legendary rock ‘n roller Bruce Springsteen, who despite my request, did not end up playing at The Boss’s funeral.

Low of His Life: Despite the stories of charity and straightforward kindness, Steinbrenner was more well-known as a tremendous dick. He was one of the first sports team owners to garner a reputation for severely meddling with a teams day-to-day affairs, typically in a detrimental way.

Additionally, he pleaded guilty in 1974 for making illegal contributions to Richard Nixon’s re-election campaign and charges of obstruction of justice. For this he was suspended for two years from Major League Baseball, a sentence that seems laughable when one recognzies The Boss actually received a lifetime ban from the game in 1990.

That’s right, the guy most NY sports fans want to be put into baseball’s Hall of Fame, got Pete Rose’d over two decades ago for paying a POS lowlife named Howie Spira $40,000 to spy on then-Yankee Dave Winfield. He was reinstated before the 1993 season, inexplicably, and undeservedly.

Who Sees Him As a Hero: Jerry Jones, Mark Cuban, Daniel Snyder, miscellaneous asshole bosses who enjoy a good power trip.

Born November 14, 1916

Died July 12, 2011 aged 94

High(s) of His Life: Sherwood Schwartz trapped five people on a tropical island for three years. Then he created an experiment where in an entirely female family merged with an entirely male family. Both of these psychotic inventions rattled the collective cultural mind of America in the 1960′s. In a way the tidy plot lines and “high” concept plots of these television programs make Schwartz more like Henry Ford than say Sopranos auteur David Chase. These shows were not art, they were well crafted junk. Their success however was undeniable and that can solely be accredited to Schwartz who even wrote their theme songs which you should now solemnly implant in your head for the next several hours in tribute.

Low(s) of His Life: Being a television junk merchant meant Schwartz’s relevance was outlived by his two monstrous creations. Begrudgingly Hollywood gave him a star on the Hollywood walk of fame in 2008 when he was 91 already.

Who Sees Him As a Hero: Chuck Lorre and anyone else looking to bang out television cheaply and neatly

Born October 8, 1949

Died July 12, 2010 aged 70

High(s) of His Life: Harvey Pekar was a grump. It was less a personality trait for Pekar than a life philosophy. In spite of that he always made sure to live his life the way he wanted. He made comic books the way he wanted, extremely confessional, often strangely mundane. Somewhere in between all that he found love in Joyce Brabner. They raised a daughter together. They also beat cancer together.

He described his comic book in a way that he might have described his life: ”an autobiography written as it’s happening. The theme is about staying alive. Getting a job, finding a mate, having a place to live, finding a creative outlet. Life is a war of attrition. You have to stay active on all fronts. It’s one thing after another. I’ve tried to control a chaotic universe. And it’s a losing battle. But I can’t let go. I’ve tried, but I can’t.”

Low(s) of His Life: The lows for Pekar are almost deceptively like highs. Someone made a play of his life, he hated it. He appeared on Late Night with David Letterman, he hated that too. For a guy who made his art entirely self centered Harvey Pekar didn’t seem to want the spotlight. It came after him and eventually made him enough money(along with his pension mind you) that he could retire from his job at the post office.

Who Sees Him As a Hero: Ivan Brunetti, Peter Bagge, basically any indie comic artist more interested in their own id than super heroes

Born: January 6, 1946

Died: July 7, 2006

High of His Life: Syd Barrett will mostly be remembered for being the founding member of Pink Floyd, one of the most popular and game changing psychedelic rock bands ever. He’ll be remembered mostly as the one who made watching the Wizard of Oz in sync with dark Side of the Moon a past time in times of serious boredom. If you haven’t tried doing that already all it means is that you have a life, unlike most Syd Barrett fans.

Low of His Life: Well,let’s start by saying he left Pink Floyd for a solo career. He became increasingly weirder and unpredictable to the point where he failed to give proper live performances. After pumping himself full of drugs for decades he eventually went out of his mind. He disappeared for decades in self-induced isolation, not unlike Howard Hughes although for very different reasons. He even had to be institutionalized for his delusions.  It’s a shame, really, but it’s okay because roger Waters will take a lot of glory for the band as well and we can now all follow him instead.

Who Sees Him As a Hero: Political activists, angst ridden teenagers, people who work at the beverage center, and people who just want to “stick it to the man.”

Born: December 8, 1943

Died: July 3, 1971

High of Her Life: As a singer Jim Morrison fundamentally stinks, but not in any particularly offensive way. As a songwriter he also stinks, though many folks have celebrated him as a “poet” his lyrics were junk. Still that he could parlay bad singing and worse poetry into being a celebrated Rock and Roll martyr is an achievement.

Personally I would say his high point is the schmaltzy “Touch Me” a song in which Jim Morrison invents Vegas Elvis before he existed. The song is the height of the Doors’ career because it is the only song they ever made smart enough to be dumb.

Low of Her Life: Jim Morrison was kind enough to die in a bathtub in Paris. But his true low was the fact that his gross and obnoxious fans were such scumbags that he was removed from his burial plot due to their vandalism. Shitty people attract shitty people, it is a vicious cycle.

Who Sees Her As a Hero: Iggy Pop, bad poets everywhere, leather pant retailers.

Born: April 3, 1924

Died: July 1, 2004

High of Her Life: Marlon Brando is widely considered the greatest actor of all time. He screamed “Stella!” in the rain, he mumbled something about being “a contenda”, he shoved cotton in his mouth and went off the deep end in the jungle, finally he arrived at the part he was born to play, Jor-El. Through out all of those roles one thing was consistent, Marlon Brando did whatever he wanted.

The high of his life though had to be his 1994 interview with Larry King which appears to be Brando’s only comfortable public appearance ever. See for yourself.

Low of Her Life: Being fat. People who were once attractive and slowly turn into mushy piles of fat are sad tragic creatures. Few people turned into bigger heaps than Marlon Brando. The man who once bedded Marilyn Monroe became a fellow who probably couldn’t see the tip of his own manhood without hoisting his gut up.

Who Sees Her As a Hero: Actors, Italians.