Born: October 8, 1948

Dead: September 15, 2004

High of His Life: The Ramones are widely considered in rock critics circles to be the most significant, influential and by some measures best rock band to ever come from America. In the 1970′s they essentially invented the basic “punk rock” vernacular both in style(leather jackets, ripped jeans) and sound(fast catchy songs played loud). They rode their place in rock history to a handful of minor hits in the states and explosive international fame and riches.

Johnny was in many ways the band’s guiding business force, keeping them on track for decades of money making and touring success.

Low of His Life: Of course in the credibility department Johnny Ramone pretty much tanked. His out spoken conservative ideals rarely jived with the punks he inspired, his hard nosed business tactics often left his band mates out in the cold and he stole the woman Joey Ramone loved basically surrendering in the public relations war between the two.

Beyond all of that trouble it was once widely rumored(and at one point publicly confirmed though later retracted Marky Ramone) that Ramones concerts actually featured a second unseen guitarist off stage doing most of the important guitar work.

Who Sees Him As a Hero: Bill Joe Armstrong, Bob Mould, conservative punks everywhere, t-shirt sellers everywhere.

Born: October 31, 1936

Dead: July 1, 1991

High of His Life: To have one culture defining television show is a huge accomplishment most people will never get close to. Twenty-two-time TV Guide cover subject Michael Landon had three: Bonanza, Little House on the Prairie and Highway to Heaven. Sure each took a few pegs down in it’s cultural dominance yet it is still among the most enviable careers, not just in television, but in modern show business. As people get reduced further and further to just one box in an ever-cluttered culture, Michael Landon reminds us that it is possible to have a full career in television.

Low of His Life: ”Michael Landon? Isn’t that the guy who died of butt cancer?” Michael Landon did not die of “butt cancer” in fact one is lead to question whether “butt cancer” is even a thing. What Landon did die of was pancreatic cancer. Nothing funny there but to me the low of his life was that above “butt cancer” quote from a snarky thirteen year old. After an illustrious career Michael Landon was reduced to “butt cancer-guy.” Sad stuff.

Who Sees Her as a Hero: Anyone looking for a career in television, girls who watched too much TV and lacked proper parenting, and people living with “butt cancer.”

Born: August 29, 1956

Died: June 28, 1993 aged 36

High of Her Life: Born Jesus Christ Allin, yup, you can pretty much put the high point right there. How does one live up to the given name Jesus Christ? Well when you are Jesus Christ Allin, later changed by his mother to Kevin James Allin, you simply never try. After being bestowed with that name it was all child abuse and Lyme disease for young GG Allin(so named because his brother, unable to pronounce Jesus, used to call him Jeje).

Low of Her Life: But oh those crazy lows, were so purposefully low that they might almost classify as highs. GG Allin was in a collection of some of the best worst named rock bands in history; the Murder Junkies, the Carolina Shitkickers, the Scumfucks, Bulge, the Toilet Rockers, Bloody Mess and the Scabs, and of course the Texas Nazis. The song titles were even better bad titles: “Hard Candy Cock,” “Drink Fight And Fuck,” “I’m Gonna Rape You,” “Sluts In The City,” “Eat My Diarrhea,” “Expose Yourself To Kids,” and many many more.

Off stage GG Allin abused any and all sorts of drugs available, being particularly fond of booze and heroin. On stage Allin abused laxatives to “explosive” results, often shitting all over himself the stage and the audience. He regularly promised on stage suicides but always found himself in prison on said nights. Allin was arrested for rape and torture in 1989. He claimed the woman to be a willing participant and even admitted to cutting and burning her, and drinking her blood. He said she did the same. He was imprisoned from December ’89 through March ’91, and managed to write a book while in prison.

After prison Allin made appearances on Geraldo and Jerry Springer. In 1993 he died of a simple run of the mill heroin overdose. An almost slight end to such a scarily dangerous career. His open casket funeral(in which morticians were told to not use makeup or clean the corpse, which wreaked of feces) is now widely available on DVDs and the internet. His grave calls him a “Rock N Roll Terrorist.”

Who Sees Her as a Hero: Roy Ziegler, Steve O, anyone who has ever put a swear word in a band name or defecated in public for fun.

For more music writing including articles about Fucked Up, 2Pac and the Crucifucks check out This Great Blog.

Born: February 26,1916

Dead: June 24, 1987

High of his Life: I think being on one of the most acclaimed sitcoms of all-time, The Honeymooners, garners some credibility. That, along with his contributions to the Smokey and the Bandit movies. He was a smart business man and owned percentages of all his shows. Although he is mostly beloved as a comedic actor with a short fuse, he had his stint as dramatic actor. He got acclaim for the movies The Hustler and Requiem for a Heavyweight (no pun intended- he’s not actually the boxer, but fat jokes were bound to come).

His catchphrase, “One of these days, Alice, pow right in the kisser,” would become the silver-lining for abusive spouses the world ’round.

Low of his Life: He was a chain-smoker, consuming about five packs a day. He was also quite fond of his alcohol. The combination plus a few unexplained late nights led not only to two failed marriages but to a myriad of complications including diabetes, liver and colon cancer, phlebitis, and thrombosed hemorrhoids. Talk about having some serious medical baggage. I guess it was a good thing he had the money to pay for that bill, but still, having all of those conditions at one time has to suck.

Who Sees Him as a Hero: Over-the-hill comedians, war vets, and other really old people.

Born March 6, 1923

Died June 23, 2009 aged 86

High of His Life: Ed McMahon was a broadcasting legend and he did it all while barely stepping out of the shadow of his boss. He was Johnny Carson’s sidekick for thirty years, in the eyes and dreams of most Americans on a nightly basis without any of the pressure that has been known to make late night talk show hosts dark monsters when the cameras turn off. He is really the Ringo of American comedy legends, he provided a good beat (in his classically rendered but impossible to recreate in text laugh), smiled politely, and got his name out there.

McMahon was also the host of Star Search making him something like Simon Cowel’s kindly broadcasting grandfather.

Low of His Life: As the face of Publisher’s Clearing House sweepstakes for decades McMahon, unlike his insular and well guarded boss, was forced to hoist novelty checks into a van and visit actual people at their actual homes. Seems gross and he did over and over again.

Who Sees Him As a Hero: Andy Richter, Robim, Hank Kingsley, Joe Biden.

Born May 12, 1937

Died June 22, 2008 aged 71

High of His Life: George Carlin is undeniably one of the most significant comics in history. He was, along with Richard Pryor and Lenny Bruce, one of the first comedians to move from a set-up punchline style of comedy to a more conversational and far darker style. His style of complaining about social norms and politics, occasionally rattled the status-quo. One of his routines “Seven Dirty Words” became a center piece in a Supreme Court case in which the right of  the government to regulate indecent material on the public airwaves.

He won five best comedy album Grammy Awards. He was the first host of Saturday Night Live. Add to that his appearance in the cult classic Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure and you have yourself a pretty good career.

Low of His Life: Sadly though, George Carlin kept going. From the moment he started it appeared that for Carlin getting increasingly negative was his comedy evolution. As a result each couple of years he would put  out a special with less and less humor and more and more vitriol. By his last special it seemed clear that Carlin didn’t want to live at all. As a result his death almost felt like a relief. Not to him but to people who respected him. It saved us all from having to sit through another special where he told us all how dumb we were and how useless everything is.

Sometimes you go out on the top, and sometimes you just go out.

Who Sees Him As a Hero: Misanthropes, Doug Stanhope, Marc Maron, old people who hate life but are too afraid to kill themselves

Born: May 30, 1918

Died: June 21, 2007

High of Her Life: Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Perhaps no one knew this better than Bob Evans. Of course, nowadays we know the cornerstone of any balanced breakfast is delicious, easy-to-prepare sausages, but that was not always the case. Bob Evans’ greatest triumph was that he took the sausage and turned it into the morning meal necessity it is today. He was the visionary from whom all great things came.

The dominance of sausages among breakfast meats has been questioned time and time again by bacon apologists. With his restaurant chain named after him, Bob Evans had the last word making a dish called sausage gravy. The greatest breakfast food in history.

Low of her Life: Of course it wasn’t all sausage gravy for Bob Evans. For decades he futily vied for the rarefied position of IHOP in chain restaurant breakfast dominance. Time marched on and the Bob Evans chain could never over take the International House Of Pancakes tyranny. Viva Le Petit Dejeuner Resistance, Bob!

Who Sees Him As a Hero: Meat sellers, restaurateurs, fat people, meat eaters, Leslie Knope

Born June 11, 1977

Died June 20, 2011 aged 34

High of His Life: Ryan Dunn was a Jackass, in literally the best possible way. He hurt himself for public amusement and it worked. He was a beloved figure of fun and frolic just like the rest of his cohorts in the Jackass films and television series.

His most infamous moment appears in Jackass: The Movie the first in an incredibly lucrative string of films. In the film he shoved a toy car in a heavily lubricated condom up his rectum. He then went to a doctor for an x-ray complaining of pain in his tailbone. It was inspired trash. The kind of inspired trash that we will now miss with his untimely passing.

Low of His Life: After a life spent hurting himself and doing epic acts of stupidity Ryan Dunn has sadly managed to die because of drunk driving. A true tragedy.

Who Sees Him As a Hero: Internet celebrities, aspiring Jackasses, people who’s cultural cognizance cuts off around 2002.