If you're dead, you're doomed
Header image

George Carlin DEAD June 22, 2008

Posted by TimD in Celebrity Gossip | Celebrity News | Entertainment | Movies | TV - (0 Comments)

Born May 12, 1937

Died June 22, 2008 aged 71

High of His Life: George Carlin is undeniably one of the most significant comics in history. He was, along with Richard Pryor and Lenny Bruce, one of the first comedians to move from a set-up punchline style of comedy to a more conversational and far darker style. His style of complaining about social norms and politics, occasionally rattled the status-quo. One of his routines “Seven Dirty Words” became a center piece in a Supreme Court case in which the right of  the government to regulate indecent material on the public airwaves.

He won five best comedy album Grammy Awards. He was the first host of Saturday Night Live. Add to that his appearance in the cult classic Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure and you have yourself a pretty good career.

Low of His Life: Sadly though, George Carlin kept going. From the moment he started it appeared that for Carlin getting increasingly negative was his comedy evolution. As a result each couple of years he would put  out a special with less and less humor and more and more vitriol. By his last special it seemed clear that Carlin didn’t want to live at all. As a result his death almost felt like a relief. Not to him but to people who respected him. It saved us all from having to sit through another special where he told us all how dumb we were and how useless everything is.

Sometimes you go out on the top, and sometimes you just go out.

Who Sees Him As a Hero: Misanthropes, Doug Stanhope, Marc Maron, old people who hate life but are too afraid to kill themselves

 

Popularity: 6% [?]

Share

, , , ,

Ryan Dunn DEAD June 20, 2011

Posted by TimD in Celebrity Gossip | Celebrity News | Entertainment | Movies | Popular News | TV - (1 Comments)

Born June 11, 1977

Died June 20, 2011 aged 34

High of His Life: Ryan Dunn was a Jackass, in literally the best possible way. He hurt himself for public amusement and it worked. He was a beloved figure of fun and frolic just like the rest of his cohorts in the Jackass films and television series.

His most infamous moment appears in Jackass: The Movie the first in an incredibly lucrative string of films. In the film he shoved a toy car in a heavily lubricated condom up his rectum. He then went to a doctor for an x-ray complaining of pain in his tailbone. It was inspired trash. The kind of inspired trash that we will now miss with his untimely passing.

Low of His Life: After a life spent hurting himself and doing epic acts of stupidity Ryan Dunn has sadly managed to die because of drunk driving. A true tragedy.

Who Sees Him As a Hero: Internet celebrities, aspiring Jackasses, people who’s cultural cognizance cuts off around 2002.

 

Popularity: 14% [?]

Share

, , , ,

Ezra Fitch DEAD June 16, 1930

Posted by TimD in Celebrity Fashion | Celebrity Gossip - (0 Comments)

Born September 21, 1865

Died June 16, 1930 aged 65

High of His Life: As a man of the late 19th and early 20th centuries Ezra Fitch enjoyed many of the finer things in life. He fished and hunted in his families estate. He went to law school and was a real estate developer in New York when there was still real estate to develop. In 1882 Fitch became an avid customer of the “excursion store” Abercrombie Co. operated by David Abercrombie. Eventually by 1900 Fitch had talked his way into a partnership with Abercrombie in selling hunting and fishing clothes to various fancy pants elites. By 1907 Fitch, who was clearly a son-of-a-bitch, had weaseled Abercrombie out of the company all together and began a concerted and successful effort to expand the company to more of the general public.

Fitch having managed to live his entire life without ever having to worry about money died on his yacht in 1930.

Low of His Life: A rich guy who never had even a moment of doubt or trouble in his life, seems possible the Fitch never had a low. That said it must trouble him a little that the company he bought into because it sold gentlemanly hunting and fishing clothes now generally services frat boys and date rapists.

Who Sees Him As a Hero: Frat boys and date rapists.

 

Popularity: 16% [?]

Share

, , , ,

Che Guevara DEAD Oct 9, 1967

Posted by TimD in Celebrity Gossip | Celebrity News | Movies | Popular News - (0 Comments)

Born June 14, 1928

Died October 9, 1967, aged 39

High of His Life: If you’re going to be portrayed in separate movies by “Hip-spanic” heart throb Gael García Bernal AND champion Latino thespian Benicio Del Toro, you must be a pretty big deal. Surprisingly, researching Che Guevara can be sort of boring. Oh sure he was an accomplished doctor who tried to help those around him and eventually became radicalized by the sense of poverty and desperation surrounding him. And yes, he did play an integral part in Fidel Castro’s Cuban Revolution(as well as revolutionary activity in a wide array of other countries), but really that’s it.

Obviously his greatest accomplishment is being on all those damn t-shirts. Somehow while fighting against tyranny and inequality often violently Che’s image became the “Golden  Arches of the pinkos” as I have decided to call it. Can any of us forget the first time a full of shit person wearing a Che Guevara shirt told us about the power of hemp or 9/11 being an inside job?

Low of His Life: Guevara was so reviled by the United States that the CIA got a it’s collabo on with a Nazi war criminal to orchestrate his capture. No one looks good here. Prior to his execution by Bolivian troops Guevara was asked if he was thinking of his mortality. He responded “No, I’m thinking of the immortality of the revolution.” Meaning his prediction of the future was more off base than that of Back To The Future Part II.

Who Sees Him As a Hero: Rage Against the Machine singer Zach De La Rocha, models trying to look edgy, Hip-spanics everywhere.

 

Popularity: 12% [?]

Share

, , , , , ,

Ray Charles DEAD June 10, 2004

Posted by TimD in Celebrity Fashion | Celebrity Gossip | Celebrity News | Entertainment | Music Industry | TV - (0 Comments)

Born September 23, 1930

Died June 10, 2004 Aged 74

High of His Life: Ray Charles was one of the most respected and accomplished singers and musicians of the twentieth century. He had dozens of hit songs and is credited as one of the founders of Rock & Roll music. In 1954 he turned a song about Jesus into a song about a sexually generous woman assuring his place in the guy’s who make messed up shit seem cool pantheon.

His groundbreaking fusion of country songs into Rhythm and Blues song structure, Modern Sounds In Country And Western Music, changed the way the world saw Rock music and garnered a Grammy nomination for Album of the Year. Posthumously his album Genius Loves Company would win Album of the Year over Green Day and Kanye West in 2005, which is totally weird.

Low of His Life: Dude was blind. It is amazing that he was able to manage a life long career in spite of this short coming but boy that has to be the pits. I just covered my eyes for three minutes and nearly leaped out of my skin. Being a junkie couldn’t have been too awesome either, though being a rich junkie is the best way to try on the intravenous drug route still doesn’t seem so cool.

But if I really had to pin point what the low point of this blind, oppressed, womanizing, drug addicted, orphan it would have to be his four appearances on the television show The Nanny. For a blind person with a heightened sense of hearing being in the same room as the voice of Fran Dreshcer must have been nightmarish. What’s worse the writers of the show expected Americans to believe Ray Charles was not Ray Charles in these episodes but instead a character named “Sammy.”

Who Sees Him As a Hero: Billy Joel, John Legend, the Blind Boys of Alabama, functional drug addicts everywhere.

 

Popularity: 10% [?]

Share

, , , , , ,

John “Teflon Don” Gotti DEAD June 10, 2002

Posted by TimD in Celebrity Gossip | Celebrity News - (0 Comments)

Born October 27, 1940

Died June 10th 2002, aged 61

High of His Life: Running the biggest crime family in New York is probably pretty fun. He has several very happy looking mugshots on file to prove how fun it probably was. I can’t say for sure but it would seem making money, having power, and being able to thumb your nose at anyone and everyone in power would seem to be a pretty exciting and ultimately satisfying life. Even if…

Low of His Life: …what goes up must come down and Gotti who was once known as the “Teflon Don” for all of the charges brought against him that never stuck, was eventually convicted of a wealth of charges in 1992. This would ensure that he would miss the internet a place where a sleazy guy like Gotti could make a ton of money almost legitimately.

Subsequently he controlled his crime family from inside of prison, meaning he had all of the work of a crime boss but none of the time in the company of strippers. Seems like a pretty crumby way to go out. Eventually Gotti would die of cancer in prison.

Who Sees Him As a Hero:  Tony Soprano, Rick Ross and several rappers, Donald Trump, Italians unaware of the damage stereotypes can have on a community.

Popularity: 10% [?]

Share

, , , ,

Cochise DEAD June 8, 1874

Posted by TimD in Celebrity Gossip | Celebrity News - (1 Comments)

Born 1805

Died June 8th, 1874

High of His Life: Let’s face it, white people are the worst. Come on fellow white folks admit it, you are kind of the worst ever. Sure, we’ve invented things, we’ve done a lot of good stuff, but could any of it really make up for oppression, slavery, and taking everything the Native Americans ever had?

Probably not. Seems like a pretty stiff order for forgiveness.

So in that sense anyone able to ward us and our high and mighty, “we want everything” attitude, off for even a short  period of time is pretty much a hero. Cochise a chief in the Chiricahua Apache tribe, did just that for many years and even managed to negotiate a treaty with Gen. Oliver O. Howard(a “white devil” if ever there was one).

The name “Cochise,” which obviously sounds really cool, has also found it’s way into the video for the Beastie Boys “Sabotage” and was the name of a character in the cult movie The Warriors. So that makes up for some of us white folks’ mass murder of “a people.” (It doesn’t by the way.)

Low of His Life: Let’s just say, if you think it’s hard out here for a pimp, try being a Native American in the mid to late 1800′s. Talk about hard times. Any time this guy found a place to settle whitey had to come and take it away from him. It was not cool.

Also his name was used as the title for the debut single of Audioslave, an awful band that took members of Rage Against the Machine and Soundgarden and dared them to do everything they did as poorly as possible.

Who Sees Him As a Hero:  Political dissidents, Val Kilmer, anyone who claims to be or is part Native American.

 

Popularity: 20% [?]

Share

, , , , ,

President Ronald Reagan DEAD June 5th 2004

Posted by TimD in Celebrity Gossip | Celebrity News - (0 Comments)

President Ronald Reagan

Born February 6th 1911

Died June 5th 2004, aged 93

High of His Life: Ronald Reagan was a transformative figure in American politics. A force for realignment of our entire cultural and political identity as a people. Reagan was so significant to the Republican party that he remains the standard bearer for anyone running for President in the GOP. Ronald Reagan was also the Governor of California, and the first Hollywood figure to successfully move into politics which opened up the door for the likes of Sonny Bono and the Grope-anator.

Reagan was also a successful actor who once held his own in a film with a monkey.

Low of His Life: As a fierce proponent of “Trickle Down Economics” Ronald Reagan has been proven wrong over and over and over again. This is not to say that the theory is dead, far from it. Instead the theory is something like an untreated bedbugs outbreak in American politics, it never goes away because no one has addressed it at all. Reagan was also plagued by other controversies like Iran Contra, ignoring AIDS, possibly flooding the inner cities with crack-cocaine, and his wife’s obsession with fortune telling. He also nominated a lunatic judge for the Supreme Court in Robert Bork and was made to feel like a real dolt for that one.

As a result of these and other controversies punk bands spent the entire 80′s shitting on President Reagan’s head lyrically. What’s worse those are all the best records of the time period doomed to haunt olde Ronnie while he rots in his grave.

Who Sees Him As a Hero:  Every Republican ever, Barak Obama(seriously, he’s said so), and 30 Rock’s Jack Donaghy, Anne Coulter

Popularity: 13% [?]

Share

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Clarice ‘Grandma Huxtable’ Taylor DEAD May 30, 2011

Posted by TimD in Celebrity Gossip | Celebrity News | Entertainment | TV - (0 Comments)

Clarice Taylor.

Born September 20th, 1917

Died May 30th, 2011 at the age of 93

High of her life: Well let’s just say it, making it to 93 is a feat in and of it’s self, so let us applaud the general health of Mrs. Taylor and the fortitude of whatever medical professionals were keeping her heart beating all these years. Clarice Taylor appeared in television shows like Sesame Street, where she played David’s grandmother Harriet and had guest spots in Ironside, Sanford and Son, and Spenser for Hire.

Of course her absolute career highlight is as the eldest matriarch of the Huxtable family from the 80′s into the 90′s on The Cosby Show.  On the show “Grandma Huxtable” could sass ol’ Heathcliff Huxtable(Bill Cosby himself) in ways only a mother could, and Bill had the over exaggerated facial expressions to prove it.

Low of her life: Prior to arriving on Sesame Street in 1976 Clarice had a career in something called “the theater” which if I understand “acting” is the lowliest form of the art. She was in a bunch of plays that are not even available on DVD! That seems like a real bumb racket. Having been born in 1917, this means she spent the first 60 years of her life doing “work” of very little value, though since no one can go back in time and check for ourselves we can not confirm or deny this.

Her most recent performance was in the 1995 indie film Smoke which featured Harvey Keitel but in a rare instance NOT his penis. This means not only did she faily to act along side Keitel’s member but she hasn’t worked in the entertainment business in 16 years. This clearly suggests she was either a communist, a sexual deviant, or incredibly difficult to work with.

Who Sees Her As A Hero: Evelyn Harper, Rudy Huxtable, anybody above the age of 40 who still hopes to “make it” in the entertainment industry.

Popularity: 24% [?]

Share

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,