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Born: August 6, 1928

Died: February 22, 1987

High of His Life: Considered to be the quintessential leader of the pop art movement, Andy Warhol was the “it guy” of his time. Besides getting to hang out with all the hottest celebrities of the time, Warhol actually got paid to paint soup cans, bananas, and celebrities…then he inverted the colors! Despite my personal dislike, the man not only had a huge influence on the art scene, but also had a cultural impact on music, film, fashion, and books. His work continues to influence people from all cultural mediums.

Low of His Life: Warhol managed to have just as many haters as lovers, claiming  his work lacked depth, meaning, or significance. In 1986, Valerie Solanas shot Warhol at his studio. Many would say, or at least I would, he became somewhat of a sellout in the 1970s when he decided to spend most of his time gathering up rich patrons to commission portraits. By the 80s, many described him as superficial and said he turned into a “business artist.”

Who Sees Him as a Hero: The Velvet Underground, David Bowie, Lady Gaga, people who use Photobooth on Macs, and failed artists everywhere

Popularity: 1% [?]

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Born:  September 21, 1971

Died: February 22, 1984

High of His Life: What could I possibly say was the “high” of this poor child’s life? I’m sure if you ask a devout religious person he would say it was a miracle he was alive at all. David Vetter’s parents knew full well that if they attempted to have a child, there would be a 50% chance he would conceive SCID. Way to take the risk anyway mom and dad! A friend was sweet enough to arrange a special showing of Return of the Jedi at a local movie theater where David could attend in a transport chamber. He also got to wear a special suit developed by NASA but he only wore it 7 times before outgrowing it.

Low of His Life: Oh boy, where to begin? Let’s see…he lived in a bubble! He only knew the feeling of fresh air for 10 seconds after his birth before he entered his special chamber. David never knew the feeling of human contact, the wind blowing in his hair, the warmth of sunshine on his face, or the crunch of sand beneath his toes. Is that depressing enough for you? David put on quite the facade to the media and to others; over time he became angry and depressed, much like the bubble boy from Seinfeld.

Who Sees Him as a Hero: Christians, ill children, people with souls, and hamsters.

Popularity: 1% [?]

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Born: July 18th, 1937

Died: February 20th, 2005

High of his Life: Hunter S. Thompson was the greatest manipulator of the English language in the history of man. Inventor of “Gonzo,” his own personal genre of journalism, HST wrote some of the most fantastic collections of words and phrases in the history of man. The autobiographical novel Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, the gonzo journalistic book Hell’s Angels, and the collection of articles Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail ’72 are his most celebrated. However, he’s perhaps better known for his constant nonchalant use of drugs and alcohol. The Good Doctor described himself as “a teenage girl trapped in the body of an elderly dope fiend,” a phrase that seemed to fit his lifestyle perfectly.

Looking for a good drinking game? Just type “Hunter S. Thompson quotes” into Google, then search the page for how many times the phrase “pig fucker” is used.

Low of his Life: An alcoholic and a drug addict, HST health failed him at a relatively early age, and his physical struggles led to his seemingly inevitable suicide. More notably, like most who struggle with addiction Raul Duke had a closet full of demons, many of which were thrown out into the public posthumously by Rolling Stone editor Jann Werner in the biography GONZO: The Life of Hunter S. Thompson. And like many self-destructive aritsts, the Good Doctor leaves his loyal fanbase with the heartbreaking thought of what could have been.

Who Sees Him as a Hero: Journalists, politicians, writers, Ralph Steadman, Johnny Depp, and anyone who has ever truly enjoyed Las Vegas. Also, myself.

Popularity: 1% [?]

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Born April 16, ????

Died February 14, 270 (although that is up for debate)

High of His Life: There are actually 14 Saint Valentines and it’s not clear if the feast celebrates one or all the saints with the same name. Either way, all of those bastards are responsible for today’s commercialized holiday. (I can’t pretend I’m not jealous of having my own recognized holiday though.) Thanks to these martyrs, you can enjoy candy, flowers, stuffed animals, fancy dinners, and sexy lingerie on your lady…or man depending what you’re in to. The original saint supposedly restored a blind girl’s vision. I’d say that’s quite an accomplishment.

Low of His Life: Whether we’re talking about one Saint Valentine or all, each were martyred. That has to suck, even if it is for a cause. Also, they gave us this terrible horrible where people feel forced to do romantic gestures for their partners. Because of them, I’m sure countless men have been dumped because they forgot to buy a present. I’m also certain many fights were caused over lame Valentine’s Day plans.

Who Sees Him as a Hero: Hopeless romantics, Catholics, Hallmark, florists, Russell Stover, and all major candy companies

Popularity: 2% [?]

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Born (left to right in the photo)

J.P “The Big Bopper” Richardson October 24, 1930,

Buddy Holly September 7, 1936,

Richie Valens May 13, 1941

Died February 3, 1959

High of Their Lives: The three singer/songwriters listed  here were Rock n’Roll heroes that would inspire generations simply by being white(or white-ish, Valens) and singing music influenced by black people but mostly sucked dry of all the sexual innuendo that such music had heretofore included. That all said they’re responsible for some of the best songs ever. They were the heirs to the explosion of white cultural theft begun by Elvis Presley and they wielded that power with purpose. They toured the nation playing to screaming teenagers. They recorded some of the most beloved songs of their era. In the process they became legends and the subjects of two movies(the Buddy Holly focused The Buddy Holly Story and the Valens focused La Bamba, sorry Big Bopper). Clearly they were very important people.

Low of Their Lives: Of course, then they got on that dumb single engine plane and it literally all came crashing down. We would never again hear the Spanglish song stylings of Richie Valens, we would never again marvel at the classic fat-guy voice of the Big Bopper, and we would have to wait decades for Weezer’s Rivers Cuomo to excise the aesthetic of Buddy Holly and participate in a repeated public molestation of the character he once cut.

They call it “The Day The Music Died” but of course music as it were stuck around for a while afterwards. In fact that music did not die with these three is probably their greatest failure. Their death and music’s continued existence ensured that “American Pie” Don McLean’s insufferable ‘tribute’ to these guys be birthed. The result is a totally inappropriately rowdy and inescapable sing along.

Who Sees Him As a Hero: Anyone wearing thick framed glasses as a fashion statement, Arthur Fonzarelli, and rebellious (but not too rebellious) white kids everywhere.

Popularity: 14% [?]

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Born March 26, 1874

Died January 29, 1963 (aged 88)

High of His Life: What could be more rewarding than hearing your own works quoted on the lips of every high school student and literary scholar? Robert Frost gave America, and the world, the gift of beautiful poetry that was easy to understand, yet deeply rooted in philosophical and social themes. Poetry may not be taken seriously nowadays, but people still have great admiration and respect for the classics. Poems like “Fire and Ice,” “Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening,” and “The Road Not Taken,” will continue to be favorites of mine and hopefully every other future English major.

Low of His Life: Despite his talent and success, Robert Frost’s personal life reads like a horror story. He outlived almost everyone in his family. His father died when he was 11 and left $8 to the family. His mother died of cancer, his younger sister was committed and later died, and half his children either died or were also committed. Mental illness ran in his family and Frost himself suffered from depression. I’m surprised his poetry didn’t read like Hawthorne Heights’ lyrics and make you want to slit your wrists.

Who Sees Him as a Hero: Every Lit and English major, aspiring poets, coffee shop owners, and people who want to sound intelligent by quoting famous poetry.

Popularity: 4% [?]

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Born June 25, 1903

Died January 21, 1950

High of His Life: Eric Arthur Blair, known by his pen name George Orwell, is best known for the lovable dystopian novel  Nineteen Eighty-Four. Well, maybe lovable isn’t the right word, but most of us sure do enjoy the bleak and dismal society ruled by Big Brother. Thanks to the success of the novel, the man gets an adjective formed from his name. It doesn’t get any cooler than having your name added to the dictionary. His novella Animal Farm, written four years beforehand, was also widely successful. Together, they have sold more copies than any other two books by another 20th century author.

Low of His Life: With such an immense cultural impact, inspiring similar dystopian novels, music, film, and more, it’s difficult to pinpoint a low of this man’s life. I would say that despite all the homages and references, the downside is that some may have missed the point of his novel. With the recent SOPA bill floating around, clearly our own government doesn’t quite see the problem that potentially lies ahead. Orwell may have unintentionally planted a seed in some politicians’ heads. Ironically he died the same day as Vladimir Lenin.

Who Sees Him as a Hero: Tom Morello and the rest of Rage Against the Machine, college students (English major included), the producers of Big Brother, and anyone who appreciates democracy.

Popularity: 3% [?]

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Born January 27, 1832

Died January 14, 1898

High of His Life: It is without question that the high of his life is giving the world the drug induced children’s classic Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking-Glass. His second accomplishment? Writing the nonsensical poem “Jabberwocky” –a creature that would later give me nightmares. The rest of his life was pretty hustlin’ n’ bustlin’ writing other literature, doing photography, and inventing stuff no one really cares about. But Carroll gave the world a book that made little sense about a girl with A.D.D who talked to a cat with no body, people with a serious tea addiction, and a Queen obsessed with the guillotine. The book has inspired numerous film adaptions, tea houses, and a group of adults obsessed with all things Wonderland.

Low of His Life: Besides creating somewhat unintended attention from the books, Lewis Carroll’s legacy has been marred by rumors of pedophilia. Whether they’re true or not, many lean towards perv. He did after all have a thing for taking nude photographs of little girls. You can’t really argue with that. Also, I’m forced to see women dress up like a slutty version of young Alice every year for Halloween. Hmm…maybe Carroll would have enjoyed that….

Who Sees Him As a Hero: People on LSD, Tim Burton, anyone who ever did a remake, pedophiles, and tea whores.

Popularity: 3% [?]

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Born May 1, 1980

Died January 13, 2010

High of His Life: Jay Reatard spent most of his short life attempting to perfect tightly contained chaos in catchy punk rock songs. The goal proved to be a fruitful one when in 2005 he actually did exactly that. His solo debut Blood Visions was not so much a first record as a culmination of the talent he had shown in his previous bands(Lost Sounds, The Reatards, etc.). The record was an ideal slab of punk rock for anyone who knew anything of such pursuits.

Over the ensuing months Reatard’s notoriety and bank account would grow and he would be offered the chance to expand beyond his punk rock goals. Which is all any artist ever really wants.

Low of His Life: Success of course is always a double edged sword and the unruly nature of Jay Reatard became a bit of a source of both infamy and idolized punk rock credentials. He kicked fans in the front row, feuded with band mates, brought under age girls back to hotel rooms to take acid with him. Things got messy and the lows seemed to be coming directly on the back of all of the heights.

Of course the last public missive in Jay Reatard oeuvre was a Tweet. Not some funny tweet or a touching tweet. It was a Tweet (This Tweet) where Jay Reatard offered his fans money to vandalize the van of a rival punk band. No one ever did that requested act of vandalism and two days later Jay Reatard was dead.

Who Sees Him As a Hero: Ty Segal, anyone making anything even sort of like punk rock, misanthropes, me.

Popularity: 4% [?]

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Born December 8, 1765

Died January 8, 1825

High of His Life: Despite having quite a few inventions under his belt, the only thing we remember from Elementary school is the cotton gin. Thanks to this nifty device, he turned cotton into an immensely profitable crop, strengthening our economy and turning a painstakingly tedious process into less of an annoyance. It was also a key invention for the Industrial Revolution. (I’m sure we’re all thankful for cozy cotton shirts instead of itchy wool.) Despite being inaccurately credited for the invention of interchangeable parts, it’s still something to add to his list, along with the milling machine.

Low of His Life: Although the cotton gin increased the cotton industry and turned quite a nice profit, the invention subsequently strengthened slavery, despite what one might think. Now that it was easier to produce cotton, demand skyrocketed and so did the need for slavery in the South. Whitney also had to deal with a ton of legal battles over patent infringement and barely turned a profit from his invention. Poor guy just can’t catch a break.

Who Sees Him as a Hero: Industrialists, the entire South, and Fruit of the Loom. I’m sure we can all surmise which people didn’t see him as a hero…yeah you’re all thinking it too.

Popularity: 7% [?]

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