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Michael Jackson DEAD June 25, 2009

June 25th, 2012 | Posted by ajaxadmin in Celebrity | Conspiracy Theory | Finally Dead | Gone Too Soon | Tributes - (0 Comments)

mjacksonBorn: August 29, 1958

Died: June 25, 2009

High of his Life: Being hailed the “King of Pop” is a pretty remarkable feat. So is being considered the best performer of the modern age. He has had countless hits, extremely famous music videos, and his life earnings ranged in the $500 million zone. Epic. Yep, you could say that he had a pretty spectacular career and devoted fan base.

Even the non-devoted fans secretly loved his material. It’s just the truth. You can’t hate on the mastermind behind “Thriller.” It’s resulted in the most awesome zombie flash mobs everywhere. And we all love zombies, don’t we?

And, out of all things, he lived in an amusement park. That’s just awesome. Period.

Low of his Life: Let’s start with the fact that a talented young,  handsome black boy transitioned into a hideously odd-looking ghostly white woman. He’s also had some nasty allegations against him which involved giving children warm milk and tucking them into his bed. An interview soon followed intended to clear his name, but actually counted against him. The part where he claimed to find “nothing wrong with it” didn’t help his case.

In fact, the innocence of youth was sort of what he considered his high point- that’s probably why it’s the lowest part of his life. He was seemingly unaware as to why people thought he was a creeper. Maybe those lashings he and his siblings got as kids from dear old Daddy might have had something to do with it… nah.

Who Sees Him As a Hero: Japan… everyone else jumped on-board after his death.

BONUS: Watch the King of Pop take on the King of Rock ‘n’ Roll in a rap battle:

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Patsy Ramsey DEAD June 24, 2006

June 24th, 2012 | Posted by ajaxadmin in Celebrity | Conspiracy Theory | Finally Dead - (0 Comments)

Patsy RamseyBorn: December 29, 1956

Died: June 24, 2006 aged 49

High of Her Life: Mother of famed daughter JonBenet, Patsy really had no “high” of her life to speak of, unless you count living vicariously through your daughter. She did however win the title of Miss West Virginia beauty title in 1977 and I bet that was the only good thing in her life up until her sister won the same title three years later and she was immediately snubbed by her parents.

Low of Her Life: Her daughter was murdered at the mere age of six. Considering the fact that we all know she did it, this could also be considered the high of her life since she successfully completed the murder and got away with it. But on a serious note, she spent the last ten years of her life defending her innocence and later contracted ovarian cancer which led to her death in 2006.

Who Sees Her as a Hero: Parents looking to murder their children for wetting the bed and get away with it, OJ Simpson, and parents who think it’s okay to parade your child around in beauty pageants.

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Bob Evans DEAD June 21, 2007

June 21st, 2012 | Posted by TimD in Celebrity | Finally Dead | Gone Too Soon - (0 Comments)

Born: May 30, 1918

Died: June 21, 2007

High of Her Life: Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Perhaps no one knew this better than Bob Evans. Of course, nowadays we know the cornerstone of any balanced breakfast is delicious, easy-to-prepare sausages, but that was not always the case. Bob Evans’ greatest triumph was that he took the sausage and turned it into the morning meal necessity it is today. He was the visionary from whom all great things came.

The dominance of sausages among breakfast meats has been questioned time and time again by bacon apologists. With his restaurant chain named after him, Bob Evans had the last word making a dish called sausage gravy. The greatest breakfast food in history.

Low of her Life: Of course it wasn’t all sausage gravy for Bob Evans. For decades he futily vied for the rarefied position of IHOP in chain restaurant breakfast dominance. Time marched on and the Bob Evans chain could never over take the International House Of Pancakes tyranny. Viva Le Petit Dejeuner Resistance, Bob!

Who Sees Him As a Hero: Meat sellers, restaurateurs, fat people, meat eaters, Leslie Knope

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Jack “Dr. Death” Kevorkian DEAD June 3rd, 2011

June 3rd, 2012 | Posted by EricM in Celebrity | Finally Dead | Tributes - (0 Comments)

Dr. Jack Kevorkian

Born May 26th 1928

Died June 3rd, 2011, aged 83

High of His Life: Dr. Kevorkian gained infamy in his unorthodox methods of assisted suicide. He challenged the taboo of death by, you know, killing people. Granted they were terminally ill and probably had a much worse fate ahead of them if he didn’t help them out. You might argue that being known as Dr. Death would not be the “high” of his life, but to him the celebrity and public attention he got was exactly what he wanted. So he came out and bragged about how he had helped kill over 130 people in his life. Definitely something you want to broadcast to an entire nation. But Kevorkian became a name spoken in every household, usually uttered in the same sentence with other words like “creepy,” “psychopath,” and “WTF”.

He recently appeared in the news a month ago when the van he used for his assisted suicides showed up on Ebay, who then pulled it down saying it was against their rule of selling “murder-related collectibles”. Damn it, Ebay, for ruining the fun.

Low of His Life: Despite his best efforts to convince everyone that assisted suicide was ok, he was sentenced to jail for second-degree murder, where he served his sentence for eight years. His lawyers said he was suffering from Hepatitis C, and while they claim he got it helping some poor people in whatever 3rd world country, I have a feeling Kevorkian contracted it from his best prison buddy, Bubba.

Who Sees Him As a Hero:  Al Pachino (seriously, the dude praised him after playing him in that HBO special), any serial killer that ever lived, liberals.