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Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes DEAD April 25, 2002

April 25th, 2013 | Posted by KristenM in Gone Too Soon - (0 Comments)

Born: May 27, 1971

Died: April 25, 2002

High of Her Life: Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes was in one of the hottest R&B groups of the 90s. TLC had huge success with their album CrazySexyCool and they were one of the biggest female groups of all time. We all came to love and anticipate Left Eye’s raps thrown in the middle of every song. I’m sure we all know the rap part of “Waterfalls” by heart. Although tensions were high by the time of their third album, TLC was still a household name, along with Lopes’ signature condom eye-patch to promote safe sex.

Low of Her Life: Anyone who has seen TLC: Behind the Music knows the group was bankrupt after CrazySexyCool, despite it selling over 15 million copies. The group had a rough split and the other two mainly blamed Lopes. Ouch. Her solo career did okay but it didn’t meet the same success as TLC. She died after losing control of the car and ended up being the only one to die from the accident. Now that sucks big time.

Who Sees Her as a Hero: Female rappers, proponents of safe sex, anybody with a lazy eye

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Abraham Lincoln DEAD on April 15, 1865

April 15th, 2013 | Posted by ajaxadmin in Gone Too Soon - (0 Comments)

Abraham LincolnBorn: February 12, 1809

Died: April 15, 1865

High of His Life: As the 16th President of the united States, he successfully kept the Union together and led it to victory in the country’s greatest crisis, the American Civil War, from 1861 – 1865.  During the Civil War in 1863, he issued the Emancipation Proclamation which was instrumental in destroying slavery.  His efforts also helped Congress pass the 13th Amendment which outlawed slavery in the United States for all time.  Despite many political factions in his own cabinet he was able to get them working together to ensure that the United States stayed whole.  One of the best decisions he ever made was to place General Ulysses S. Grant at the head of all the Union armies; this decision gave him the commander with the ability to beat Confederate General Robert E. Lee.

Low of His Life: Being the first President to be assassinated when he was shot on April 14 by Confederate sympathizer/spy, John Wilkes Booth.  He would later die in Ford’s Theater at 7:22 AM on April 15, 1865.  The Union defeats of the First & Second Bull Runs, Fredericksburg, and Chancellorsville brought Lincoln many sleepless nights during the war.

Who Sees Him As a Hero: Many historians consistently rank him as one of the greatest U.S. presidents, if not the greatest president.  Personally, I think he’s the greatest U.S. president of all time.

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Anna Nicole Smith DEAD February 8, 2007

February 8th, 2013 | Posted by christinem in Celebrity | Gone Too Soon | Tributes - (0 Comments)

Born: November 28th, 1967

Died: February 8, 2007

High of Her Life: She was 1993 Playboy of the Year. That’s about it. She was a definite hottie back in the day and had a lot of guys who oggled over her.  She  smartly married some old billionaire and waited for him to die. Too bad she couldn’t make it any more obvious. I  guess that’s a high.  She also, you know, got high. But I don’t know if that counts.

Low of Her Life: How long can I make this list? Let’s see, she dropped out of high school and got married,  then divorced, then married some old dude for his money and that’s just gross in itself. Then she went on to get crazy drugged up and gave Courtney Love a run for her money as most batshit insane blonde in the public eye. She also had some really creepy obsession with looking like and embodying Marilyn Monroe, who wasn’t the best role model in the first place. And just like her idol, she died of an overdose (as her son did prior). Fail.

Who Sees Her As a Hero:  Gold diggers, Hugh Hefner

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Brittany Murphy DEAD December 20, 2009

December 20th, 2012 | Posted by KristenM in Celebrity | Gone Too Soon - (0 Comments)

Born: November 10, 1977

Died: December 20, 2009

High of Her Life: Although not regarded as one of the best actresses of her time, breaking into Hollywood and becoming somewhat of a household name is good enough. Her first major role was the clueless Kool-Aid dyed redhead in Clueless and despite her bitchy attitude towards Cher (“You’re a virgin who can’t drive”), we loved her anyway. But it wasn’t until 4 years later that most people started to take notice when she played a bulimic, sexually abused girl in Girl, Interrupted. The role must have gotten to her because she quickly moved on to mediocre, at best, rom-coms. But we’ll never forget that she liked getting banged by daddy.

Low of Her Life: Brittany Murphy had so much potential after Girl, Interrupted but I don’t know many who took her seriously afterward. She was a B actress at best. Another low? She dated Ashton Kutcher. I don’t think that’s something to brag about. In the early 2000s it was rumored she had a cocaine addiction after losing noticeable weight. She died of pneumonia and acute anemia, a pretty lame way for a 32-year-old to die.

Who Sees Her as a Hero: Aspiring mediocre actresses, pneumonia viral cells, possibly Eminem

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Bob Ross DEAD July 4, 1995

July 4th, 2012 | Posted by MattC in Celebrity | Gone Too Soon | Tributes - (0 Comments)

Born: October 29th, 1942

Dead: July 4th, 1995

High of His Life: Bob Ross was not only a talented American painter, he was an art instructor and a television host. It’s pretty hard to say that he didn’t have a very high life. He is best known as the creator and host of the instructional art show The Joy of Painting on PBS. The show aired on January 11th, 1983 and continued until May 17th, 1994. It still airs re-runs to this day. It can be assumed that he is largely responsible for why Americans want to oil paint.

Ross is often considered the art instructor version of Mr. Rogers. And on top of that he was a multimillionaire. He built a business selling art supplies and how-to books, as well as taught classes using his own coined “Bob Ross method.” The man may have spoken like a gentle otter, but he was definitely a businessman.

Low of His Life: Well, he did have a rivalry with his once-teacher William Alexander. Alexander had his own public TV series called The Magic World of Oil Painting, which lasted from the 1970s up until the year before Ross’ show aired. As his business expanded Alexander felt Ross stole his technique and sold it as his own. That’s awkward. Some may say he’s the GaGa to Alexander’s Madonna, since many claim he was better, albeit “newer.” Also, it doesn’t help his first marriage ended in divorce, his second wife died of cancer in 1993, and then he developed lymphona and died a few years later.

Who Sees Him As A Hero: “Happy” trees, late night TV addicts, oil painters, and the world.

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Michael Landon DEAD July 1, 1991

July 1st, 2012 | Posted by TimD in Celebrity | Gone Too Soon | Tributes - (0 Comments)

Born: October 31, 1936

Dead: July 1, 1991

High of His Life: To have one culture defining television show is a huge accomplishment most people will never get close to. Twenty-two-time TV Guide cover subject Michael Landon had three: Bonanza, Little House on the Prairie and Highway to Heaven. Sure each took a few pegs down in it’s cultural dominance yet it is still among the most enviable careers, not just in television, but in modern show business. As people get reduced further and further to just one box in an ever-cluttered culture, Michael Landon reminds us that it is possible to have a full career in television.

Low of His Life: ”Michael Landon? Isn’t that the guy who died of butt cancer?” Michael Landon did not die of “butt cancer” in fact one is lead to question whether “butt cancer” is even a thing. What Landon did die of was pancreatic cancer. Nothing funny there but to me the low of his life was that above “butt cancer” quote from a snarky thirteen year old. After an illustrious career Michael Landon was reduced to “butt cancer-guy.” Sad stuff.

Who Sees Her as a Hero: Anyone looking for a career in television, girls who watched too much TV and lacked proper parenting, and people living with “butt cancer.”

Billy Mays DEAD June 28th, 2009

June 28th, 2012 | Posted by EricM in Celebrity | Gone Too Soon - (0 Comments)

Born: July 20th, 1958

Dead: June 28th, 2009

High of his Life: Billy Mays was King of the Pitch. Whereas Sales positions are typically dreaded or looked at as souless liars and leeches, Mays embraced the Art of Selling and took it to places it had never been before. He got his start selling MADE FOR TV items on the Atlantic City boardwalk, of all places, and from there went on to start his own company, star in a Discovery Channel show based around his skills, and become the most sought-after pitchman for all product promotion on the planet.

At the time of his demise, Billy Mays had become more of a household name then any of the products he was peddling.

Low of his Life: That being said, one could argue the “high” of Billy Mays life was in fact what killed him. Chronic, untreated hypertension led to heart disease, which was listed as the “primary cause of death” for Mays. BUT THAT’S NOT AT ALL! Massive cocaine use was listed as a “contributory cause of death” by Dr. Vernard Adams, a Florida medical examiner. And anyone who watched a B-Mays pitch wasn’t really all that surprised.

While being great at what he did… and lets not kid ourselves, Billy Mays was the best at what he did… but just cause I’m good at shoveling shit, that shouldn’t earn me a Nobel Priza, ya dig? He sold things called “Jupiter Jack”, “Mighty Putty Steel,” and “Kaboom!” Doesn’t that tell you enough?

Mays was a salesmen, and therefore earned his bread by convincing people they needed to spend money on things they didn’t actually need. He was a legalized con artist. He was King of Legalizaed Con Artists, but a con artist indeed.

Who See’s Him As a Hero: Pitchmen everywhere. Anthony Sullivan. The Sham Wow Guy. People who don’t know what Death of a Salesmen is really about.

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Kevin ‘GG’ Allin DEAD June 28, 1993

June 28th, 2012 | Posted by TimD in Celebrity | Gone Too Soon | Tributes - (0 Comments)

Born: August 29, 1956

Died: June 28, 1993 aged 36

High of Her Life: Born Jesus Christ Allin, yup, you can pretty much put the high point right there. How does one live up to the given name Jesus Christ? Well when you are Jesus Christ Allin, later changed by his mother to Kevin James Allin, you simply never try. After being bestowed with that name it was all child abuse and Lyme disease for young GG Allin(so named because his brother, unable to pronounce Jesus, used to call him Jeje).

Low of Her Life: But oh those crazy lows, were so purposefully low that they might almost classify as highs. GG Allin was in a collection of some of the best worst named rock bands in history; the Murder Junkies, the Carolina Shitkickers, the Scumfucks, Bulge, the Toilet Rockers, Bloody Mess and the Scabs, and of course the Texas Nazis. The song titles were even better bad titles: “Hard Candy Cock,” “Drink Fight And Fuck,” “I’m Gonna Rape You,” “Sluts In The City,” “Eat My Diarrhea,” “Expose Yourself To Kids,” and many many more.

Off stage GG Allin abused any and all sorts of drugs available, being particularly fond of booze and heroin. On stage Allin abused laxatives to “explosive” results, often shitting all over himself the stage and the audience. He regularly promised on stage suicides but always found himself in prison on said nights. Allin was arrested for rape and torture in 1989. He claimed the woman to be a willing participant and even admitted to cutting and burning her, and drinking her blood. He said she did the same. He was imprisoned from December ’89 through March ’91, and managed to write a book while in prison.

After prison Allin made appearances on Geraldo and Jerry Springer. In 1993 he died of a simple run of the mill heroin overdose. An almost slight end to such a scarily dangerous career. His open casket funeral(in which morticians were told to not use makeup or clean the corpse, which wreaked of feces) is now widely available on DVDs and the internet. His grave calls him a “Rock N Roll Terrorist.”

Who Sees Her as a Hero: Roy Ziegler, Steve O, anyone who has ever put a swear word in a band name or defecated in public for fun.

For more music writing including articles about Fucked Up, 2Pac and the Crucifucks check out This Great Blog.

 

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Michael Jackson DEAD June 25, 2009

June 25th, 2012 | Posted by ajaxadmin in Celebrity | Conspiracy Theory | Finally Dead | Gone Too Soon | Tributes - (0 Comments)

mjacksonBorn: August 29, 1958

Died: June 25, 2009

High of his Life: Being hailed the “King of Pop” is a pretty remarkable feat. So is being considered the best performer of the modern age. He has had countless hits, extremely famous music videos, and his life earnings ranged in the $500 million zone. Epic. Yep, you could say that he had a pretty spectacular career and devoted fan base.

Even the non-devoted fans secretly loved his material. It’s just the truth. You can’t hate on the mastermind behind “Thriller.” It’s resulted in the most awesome zombie flash mobs everywhere. And we all love zombies, don’t we?

And, out of all things, he lived in an amusement park. That’s just awesome. Period.

Low of his Life: Let’s start with the fact that a talented young,  handsome black boy transitioned into a hideously odd-looking ghostly white woman. He’s also had some nasty allegations against him which involved giving children warm milk and tucking them into his bed. An interview soon followed intended to clear his name, but actually counted against him. The part where he claimed to find “nothing wrong with it” didn’t help his case.

In fact, the innocence of youth was sort of what he considered his high point- that’s probably why it’s the lowest part of his life. He was seemingly unaware as to why people thought he was a creeper. Maybe those lashings he and his siblings got as kids from dear old Daddy might have had something to do with it… nah.

Who Sees Him As a Hero: Japan… everyone else jumped on-board after his death.

BONUS: Watch the King of Pop take on the King of Rock ‘n’ Roll in a rap battle:

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George Carlin DEAD June 22, 2008

June 22nd, 2012 | Posted by TimD in Celebrity | Gone Too Soon | Tributes - (0 Comments)

Born May 12, 1937

Died June 22, 2008 aged 71

High of His Life: George Carlin is undeniably one of the most significant comics in history. He was, along with Richard Pryor and Lenny Bruce, one of the first comedians to move from a set-up punchline style of comedy to a more conversational and far darker style. His style of complaining about social norms and politics, occasionally rattled the status-quo. One of his routines “Seven Dirty Words” became a center piece in a Supreme Court case in which the right of  the government to regulate indecent material on the public airwaves.

He won five best comedy album Grammy Awards. He was the first host of Saturday Night Live. Add to that his appearance in the cult classic Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure and you have yourself a pretty good career.

Low of His Life: Sadly though, George Carlin kept going. From the moment he started it appeared that for Carlin getting increasingly negative was his comedy evolution. As a result each couple of years he would put  out a special with less and less humor and more and more vitriol. By his last special it seemed clear that Carlin didn’t want to live at all. As a result his death almost felt like a relief. Not to him but to people who respected him. It saved us all from having to sit through another special where he told us all how dumb we were and how useless everything is.

Sometimes you go out on the top, and sometimes you just go out.

Who Sees Him As a Hero: Misanthropes, Doug Stanhope, Marc Maron, old people who hate life but are too afraid to kill themselves

 

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