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Leonard B. Stern DEAD June 7, 2011

Posted by KristenM in Uncategorized - (0 Comments)

Leonard B. SternLeonard B. Stern

Born December 23, 1923

Died June 7, 2011, aged 87

High of His Life: The name might not sound familiar, but his ____ (noun) is known to us all. Stern was an American screenwriter, film and television producer, director, and one of the ____ (adjective) creators of the amazing pastime, Mad Libs –along with Roger Price. Stern was born in ____ (place) and ____ (verb ending in -ed) at NYU. He wrote for many classic TV shows such as Get Smart, The Honeymooners, and Steve Allen’s Tonight Show. Despite working on over ____ (number) famous shows and movies, we all know the most brilliant highlight of his career was teaming up with Roger Price and ____ (verb ending in -ing) Mad Libs. The popular ____ (noun) was created in 1953 and is still played today, even by ____ (derogatory noun) like myself.

Low of His Life: He tried to write a novel and went ____ (adjective).   Another time he got so ____ (adjective) that he told a child’s ____ (noun) to take a ____ (noun) and stick it up her ____ (part of the body).

Who Sees Him as a Hero: ____ (adjective) children, ____ (male celebrity), your mom, and that guy who likes to ____ (verb) at the children who hang out in front of the ____ (location).

Popularity: 8% [?]

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Abu Musab al-Zarqawi DEAD June 7, 2006

Posted by MattC in Uncategorized - (0 Comments)

Born: October 20th , 1966

Died: June 7th, 2006

High of his Life: Abu Musab al-Zarqawi became a known Islamist militant in Iraq. He became one bitchboy in the multitudes Osama bin Laden had assembled to do his dirty work. He became a popular target on dartboards, in newspaper headlines, and in internet memes. And all the while he got married to both a 40-year-old and a 14-year-old and didn’t have to worry as coming across as either a cougar chaser or a pedophile.

As a side note, he clearly was uncredited as an inspiration for a character in the movie Team America: World Police. He’s the guy in the cloak with the long beard.

Low of his Life: Aside from being a known terrorist with a track record for failure and self-injury, he became one item in the laundry list of reasons George W. Bush emphasized entering Iraq. And, as if he couldn’t get any lower on the popularity scale, out of all his excessively violent attempts to become infamous he is often known as the guy who sent Saddam Hussein a medical bill for receiving a peg leg after an amputation somewhere in Baghdad. Durka durka herp-derp.

Who Sees Him As A Hero: Anybody still currently residing in a cave in the middle of the desert.

Popularity: 15% [?]

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Arthur Zimmermann DEAD June 6th, 1940

Posted by EricM in Uncategorized - (0 Comments)

Born October 5th, 1864

Died June 6th, 1940

High of his Life: Arthur Zimmermann was the Secretary of State for Foreign Affairs for the German Empire from late 1916 through most of 1917.  In his limited time holding this prestigious position, the mustached German was able to effect the Irish Rebellion, the October Revolution of Cazrist Russia, and the outcome of World War I.

It was also said that Zimmermann’s wife, Gretta Zimmerwomann, made the best Frikadellen in all of Deutschland, though all knowledgeable historians know it was actually Arthur’s recipe (he replaced the Jewish blood with Gypsy Meat).

Low of his Life – On January 16th, 1917, Arthur sent what would be known as the “Zimmermann Telegram” to Mexico. At the time the Germans feared America would get involved in World War I, and rather than take that up with us personally, they tried to get Mexico involved… which is like if we were playing pick-up basketball, and one team picked Lebron James while the other team got Clarice Taylor. Seriously, you need something to counter America, and MEXICO was what came to mind??

Then on March 29th, 1917, Arthur made the biggest mistake any politician stuck in a controversy can ever make; he admitted it. His telegraph is credited as one of the main, if not the main, reason for the United States involvement in World War I, which as we all know led directly to the German defeat, since the United States of America never loses at anything, ever.

Many historians believe that none of these offenses, however, compare even slightly to the monstrocity that was Arthur Zimmermann’s mustache.

He died of pneumonia in the German capital of Berlin, a sissy Old-World way of dying only socially acceptable for those characters on the old Oregon Trail computer game.

Who Sees Him As A Hero: Both of his nephews on the Washington Nationals, Geraldo Rivera

 

Popularity: 18% [?]

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Jack “Dr. Death” Kevorkian DEAD June 3rd, 2011

Posted by ChristineM in Uncategorized - (0 Comments)

Dr. Jack Kevorkian

Born May 26th 1928

Died June 3rd, 2011, aged 83

High of His Life: Dr. Kevorkian gained infamy in his unorthodox methods of assisted suicide. He challenged the taboo of death by, you know, killing people. Granted they were terminally ill and probably had a much worse fate ahead of them if he didn’t help them out. You might argue that being known as Dr. Death would not be the “high” of his life, but to him the celebrity and public attention he got was exactly what he wanted. So he came out and bragged about how he had helped kill over 130 people in his life. Definitely something you want to broadcast to an entire nation. But Kevorkian became a name spoken in every household, usually uttered in the same sentence with other words like “creepy,” “psychopath,” and “WTF”.

He recently appeared in the news a month ago when the van he used for his assisted suicides showed up on Ebay, who then pulled it down saying it was against their rule of selling “murder-related collectibles”. Damn it, Ebay, for ruining the fun.

Low of His Life: Despite his best efforts to convince everyone that assisted suicide was ok, he was sentenced to jail for second-degree murder, where he served his sentence for eight years. His lawyers said he was suffering from Hepatitis C, and while they claim he got it helping some poor people in whatever 3rd world country, I have a feeling Kevorkian contracted it from his best prison buddy, Bubba.

Who Sees Him As a Hero:  Al Pachino (seriously, the dude praised him after playing him in that HBO special), any serial killer that ever lived, liberals.

Popularity: 11% [?]

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Franz Kafka DEAD June 3, 1924

Posted by TimD in Uncategorized - (3 Comments)

Franz Kafka

Born July 3, 1883

Died June 3, 1924, aged 40.

High of his Life: Franz Kafka is widely considered to be one of the 20th century’s greatest writers. His work set the stage for later literary movements such as magic realism, existentialism and modernism, as well as absurdism and surrealism. The word Kafkaesque, meaning marked by surreal distortion and a sense of impending danger, is today part of the English language.

Low of his Life: Kafka’s work didn’t get much attention until after he died. Which is ironic considering that his last wish was that all of his writings be destroyed. The Metamorphosis was the only finished novel-length work he left behind and his other masterpieces, The Trial and The Castle, remain unfinished. He only published a handful of short stories while he was alive. He died young of tuberculosis and probably starved to death due to his throat pain at the end of his life. He never had a good relationship with his father, as exemplified in his “Letter to His Father” (1919) where he wrote: “My writing was all about you; all I did there, after all, was to bemoan what I could not bemoan upon your breast.” He viewed himself as weak(although he seemingly had many friends, especially women) yet his neurosis also affected his sexuality; he never married and had a few, likely unconsummated love affairs that wound up with him breaking it all off.

Who Sees Him as a Hero: Jorge Luis Borges, Thomas Mann, Milan Kundera, Gabriel Garcia Marquez, Salman Rushdie, Federico Fellini, and pretty much every writer born after 1945.

Popularity: 23% [?]

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Lou Gehrig DEAD June 2nd, 1941

Posted by EricM in Uncategorized - (0 Comments)

Henry Louis “Lou” Gehrig.

Born on June 19th, 1903

Died on June 2nd, 1941 at the age of 37.

High of his Life: Gehrig is considered one of baseball’s all-time greats, teaming up with Babe Ruth as perhaps the best 1-2 hitting combination in the history of MLB. His #4 has been retired by the New York Yankees, and his “Luckiest Man on the Face of the Earth” speech is considered by many to be the most memorable in sports. The most notable achievement of his career, however, would be his 2,130 consecutive games played streak, an MLB record that would “never be broken.”

He was such a big deal in New York City that Mayor LaGuardia (who was named after the airport) ordered flags to be flown at half-staff on the day he died.

Low of his Life: Well, he died of Lou Gehrig’s disease, which in the words of Dennis Leary: “How did he not see that coming?” He was the original Scottie Pippen; a totally awesome player who should have been the best on his team, but just wasn’t. And at least Pippen knew he was playing second-fiddle to a physically superior athlete; Gehrig played back-up to a complete fat ass.

Oh, and that 2,130 game streak that would never be broken? Well it got broke, by Baltimore Oriole Cal Ripken Jr., who demolished it with 2,632.

And while this isn’t actual fact, there are a plethora of different religions and faiths that would claim that since Gehrig played his entire career for the New York Yankees, he’s now rotting in Hell. If you believe that sort of thing.

Who Sees Him As a Hero: Scottie Pippen, Evgeni Malkin, Kobe Bryant, Marvin Harrison, whichever Williams sister is the uglier one… all the great sports sidekicks. And don’t forget Alois Alzheimer, Thomas Addison, Harvey Cushing, and Dr. James Parkinson. Gehrig blazed the trail for all these guys.

 

Popularity: 12% [?]

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