Celebrity News Blog / Xlebrity.com

Steve Jobs DEAD October 5, 2011

Born February 24, 1955

Died October 5, 2011

High of His Life: You are reading a blog at least in part because a guy named Steve Jobs decided computers were a thing people might want to have. Plain and simple. Your life has been forever altered by Steve Jobs. As a result he got the full on asshole license that comes with being a truly world changing historical figure.

Getting the asshole pass is of course the greatest achievement one can obtain in this life. With the invention of the first affordable home computer Steve Jobs got the asshole pass for life. But he would not rest there. He redesigned that computer into something aesthetically pleasing, giving his asshole pass a late in life renewal. Then he invented the iPod, upon which his asshole pass was given black-card status. Then he changed movies with Pixar. (In a way he’s the reason you were in tears during Up.) He changed the way music was sold with iTunes. He shoved the internet in people’s pockets with the iPhone. After all of that he just decided to make the crazy Star Trek machine that is the iPad. He won the fight to be the biggest asshole of his generation and if his affinity for black turtlenecks is any indication he took that title to the grave with him.

Low of His Life: Repeatedly in his life Steve Jobs was reminded that no one could do what he did better. He was squeezed out of Mac in the 80′s and watched the company nearly get run into the ground by the late 90′s. He got back in and saved the thing making it better than ever. Then he retired this year. Earlier this week with the wet-fart announcement of the iPhone 4S, as apposed to a new iPhone 5 it was once again displayed that puny people who are not Steve Jobs simply can not ever get things done as effectively as guys who are Steve Jobs.

Who Sees Him As a Hero: Mark Zuckerberg, Bill Gates, anyone trying to make money selling music, anyone trying to make money at all really, nerds.

Popularity: 21% [?]

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Tupac Shakur DEAD September 13, 1996

Born June 16, 1971

Died September 13, 1996

High of His Life: Tupac was clearly a talented and deep thinker who also happened to be great at rap music. Through his music he outlined his struggles in the world and became a legend in hip-hop and in American culture in general.

Apparently though his greatest achievement was his unending bromance with star Tony “Who’s The Boss?” Danza. Tony wrote a letter to Tupac while he was in jail. Apparently one letter lead to another and before you knew it the untold love story of the century began. We can only hope that someday a filmmaker comes along and dramatizes the Tony Danza/Tupac Shakur friendship in made for Grey Gardens-esque TV movie.

Low of His Life: He’s no Biggie. Sure, Tupac was a deep thinker and a skilled poet with a sharp wit but the shear immediacy and ear pounding joy of a Biggie verse is untoppable, even by Tupac. I am confident that my horse in the old race Biggie is still slaying Tupac at rap battles in the sky. Or maybe they hang out. Mysteries of the universe right?

Who Sees Him As a Hero: Any rapper who claims to be starting a “movement.” So I guess all of them.

Popularity: 25% [?]

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Keith Moon DEAD September 7, 1978

Posted by TimD in Celebrity Gossip | Celebrity News | Entertainment | Music Industry | Popular News - (0 Comments)

Born August 23, 1946

Died September 7, 1978

High of His Life: The spastic drums on the Who’s debut single “I Can’t Explain”, his shocking and fiery performance of “A Quick One While He’s Away” from the Rolling Stones’ Rock And Roll Circus, the invention of stadium rock with “Baba O’Reilly”, there are many moments in Keith Moon’s musical career that drummers for decades would emulate and envy. Still no moment spoke more to his rock and roll spirit than the fact that in hotel after hotel that Keith and the rest of the Who stayed in Keith would blow up the toilets. He’d use cherry bombs and eventually stepped up to M-80s. As those lost their luster and his star power allowed him to get stronger shit he moved onto dynamite. He also once drove a Cadillac(or to his recollection a Lincoln Continental) into a hotel pool.

Yes, you may be repeatedly voted the second or first best drummer of all time, but the high of your rock career is always the path of destruction you leave.

Low of His Life: Keith’s Wikipedia page has several sections to it. There is the obvious “early musical career”, “With the Who”, and all the usual stuff. There is also a section entitled “Recklessness”, which is cool for all the aforementioned reasons. That section however has a subsection entitled simply “Passing out on stage.” Not really words you want associated with your career as a musician.

So in spite of his indomitable spirit, his excellent records, and his status as a rock legend it is likely that more than a few of us have uncles and dads who will say things like, “I went to see the Who, they weren’t that great. Keith Moon couldn’t even play the damn drums he was so fucked up.” Stuff no one says about John Bonham.

Who Sees Him As a Hero: Aldous Snow, any rock drummer anywhere, people rationalizing a reckless life style as part of their job.

Popularity: 30% [?]

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Genghis Khan, DEAD August 18th, 1227

Posted by ChristineM in Uncategorized - (0 Comments)

Born: May 31st, 1162

Died: August 18th, 1227

High of His Life: He conquered people. Lots of people. He expanded the Mongolian Empire so that by the time of his death, it occupied a major portion of Central Asia and China. Khan pretty much kicked ass and took names all around. He’s also been portrayed in a ton of movies, video games (oh man is he a pain in the ass in the Civilization series) and has even had bands and songs named after him.

Low of His Life: He died falling off a horse. Well, that’s one telling of it, anyway, but a pretty popular one. Think about it. You are a conqueror, loved by some, feared by many, with a great legacy. You’ve battled dozens, killed more, pretty much have your picture in the dictionary next to the word “badass”…. and you fall off a horse. You don’t even die from the fall, you die slowly of the injuries afterwards. That’s pathetic. Pathetic.

Who Sees Him As a Hero: Strategy/conquest gamers, Kahn from Star Trek, Bill & Ted, every actor whose ever played him in a film.

Popularity: 26% [?]

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Elvis Presley DEAD August 16, 1977

Born: January 8, 1935

Died: August 16, 1977

High of His Life: Elvis Presley made Rock N’ Roll into a massive phenomena. Of course most folks say the cultural seeds had been sewed for a long time and it could have been a number of folks but in the end it was Elvis. As a result he managed to become a cultural milestone in the history of an entire planet. He was able to try his hand at movies and make a few separate comebacks(possibly the first “comeback” in pop-culture history). He begat the Beatles, he made crumby movies, he made women scream and dance and think differently about black people. He changed the whole world with songs about shoes and sex and singing and dancing while in jail. Seems like he got pretty high…

Low of His Life: …but then he got even higher. He took prescription meds by the handful and ate deep fried everything. He got bloated and lost the respect of the Rock inteligencia. He kept yearning for the respect and love of everyone, which is a losing combination in life. Somehow that reach made him less and less appealing to many people. He died on a toilet, fat, and worst of all sad, somehow unsatisfied with one of the most cataclysmic lives of the 20th century. That is pretty low.

Who Sees Him As A Hero: Paul McCartney, Bruce Springsteen, Madonna, Michael Jackson, anyone who can be easily seen as a mega-star.

For more Elvis check out Daily Top Songs.

Popularity: 22% [?]

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Macbeth, King of Scotland, DEAD August 15, 1057

Posted by MattC in Celebrity News | Entertainment - (0 Comments)

Born: Circa 1005 BC

Died: August 15, 1057 BC

High of His Life: The pinnacle of Macbeth‘s life is having his existence immortalized as a tragic anti-hero in one of William Shakespeare’s most famous plays. He tried to seize the throne of Scotland after the accounted murder of Duncan I and was successful for a time. Nobody will ever really know the validity of any of the accounts and more than likely the myth is more interesting anyway.

Low of His Life: I would say marrying a power hungry fiend that resembled Hillary Clinton but with olde Scottish garb instead of a pantsuit was pretty low. That, mixed with delusions of grandeur is a pretty potent cocktail for failure. He also had hallucinations and paranoia unbound. His time as King was stressful because everyone rued the day he took power and set out to have him dethroned. He is murdered at the hands of Malcolm, King Duncan’s son and rightful heir. mostly because he thought he was invincible. But, overall, he deserved it. That’s what you get for having your fortune told by a bunch of crazy old bats.

Who Sees Him As A Hero: Aspiring actors with a fetish for Shakespeare, old ladies who have a crush on Sir Patrick Stewart and are too confused to notice the difference between a role and real life …and Dick Cheney.

Popularity: 19% [?]

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Leonidas, King of Sparta DEAD August 11, 480 BC

Posted by KristenM in Celebrity News - (0 Comments)

Editor's Note: Gerard Butler is NOT Leonidas. Gerard Butler is still alive.

Born circa 540 BC

Died August 11, 480 BC

High of His Life: Rumored to be a descendant of Heracles, King Leonidas was just pure badass for the entirety of his life. With only a small army of Greeks, he fought ferociously and bravely against the much larger Persian army of Xerxes at the pass of Thermopylae during the Persian War. Despite a foreboding message from the creepy oracles molesting a young girl, Leonidas went to battle anyway…oh wait that was in the movie. Actually the real Leonidas did see an oracle who more or less gave the same warning, possibly molestation free. I’m sure he also got to bang a lot of hot women and he died an epic death.

Low of His Life: I bet many Spartans weren’t thrilled with his decision to fight the Persians since they were grossly outnumbered and sacrifice men’s lives. The Greeks were unable to retrieve Leonidas’ body and it was most likely crucified, beheaded, or mangled. His mother was also his father’s niece meaning his father was his uncle and his mother was his cousin. That might screw with your head, or your genes.

Who Sees Him As a Hero: Gerard Butler, the Greeks, and douche bags who think they’re as badass and epic as he was. News flash, you’re not.

Popularity: 28% [?]

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Bernie Mac DEAD August 9, 2008

Born October 5, 1957

Dead August 9, 2008

High of His Life: Bernie Mac was a really great often under appreciated comic. With the Original Kings of Comedy he was in one of the most successful stand-up comedy tours of all time. His appearances in the Ocean’s 11 film and it’s subsequent sequels brought him even wider recognition and got him into several other films.

His greatest achievement though was his Fox television series aptly called The Bernie Mac Show. The show was a classic sitcom part Malcolm In The Middle part The Cosby Show and it was successful and consistently funny.

Low of His Life: The posthumously released Soul Men should have been a big move for Bernie Mac, instead it was a lackluster affair. Still the true low of his life was probably an insensitive joke that I made at his expense on the day of his death in 2008. I am not proud of this but I tweeted: “Ocean’s 14: Weekend At Bernie Mac’s.” It was tasteless and I would like to apologize publicly here. I assure you this was not just an excuse to retype that joke.

Who Sees Him As a Hero: The cast and creators of Modern Family, comics everywhere, anyone who has ever used the phrase “I’m a grown-ass man.”

Popularity: 31% [?]

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Jerry Garcia DEAD August 9, 1995

Posted by TimD in Celebrity Gossip | Celebrity News | Entertainment | Music Industry - (0 Comments)

Born August 1, 1942

Dead August 9, 1995

High of His Life: Jerry Garcia was obviously an accomplished musician revered by millions of obsessive fans. To this day his band the Grateful Dead’s entire catalog of concerts is widely traded and disseminated by a certain kind of music fan(those on drugs, or who like to reminisce about having been on drugs). The greatest Grateful Dead show of all time is a huge sticking point for these hippie nerds and so to say a true musical high of his life is probably very difficult.

The actual “high” of his life was probably a speed ball. You see a speed ball is the combination of heroin and cocaine taken at the same time. In theory this ultimate upper/downer combo should cancel each other out, instead it creates the feeling that a humans existence is splitting into and revealing God in a gigantic burst within one’s self… Basically you get really really fucking high.

Low of His Life: All those hippies. Look, being a rock star is great and all but my god to look at your fans as a reflection of what you put into the world must have been stomach churning for ol’ Jerry, except he was probably too fucked up most of the time to probably realize what a bunch of literally “dead” heads were following him every where he went. And by the way does heroine negate one’s sense of smell? If not I would imagine every concert was like sticking one’s head in a sweaty pair of jeans that had been unwashed for a decade or more. Either way… long strange trip yadda yadda…

Who Sees Him As a Hero: Phish, Ben and Jerry, hippies everywhere and very funny comic Matt McCarthy who posts his videos on Facebook all the time.

Popularity: 23% [?]

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Marilyn Monroe DEAD August 5, 1962

Posted by tarae in Uncategorized - (0 Comments)

Born: June 1, 1926

Died: August 5, 1962 (age 36)

High(s) of Her Life: Marilyn Monroe (born Norma Jeane Mortenson) became renowned for playing ditzy blondes and marrying famous men Joe DiMaggio and Arthur Miller. What people probably do not know about her is that her book collection included works by Tolstoy, Whitman, and Milton; she enjoyed Beethoven records, took literature courses at UCLA, and studied acting at The Actors Lab and the New York Actors’ Studio. In short, she was not a dumb blonde. She had bit parts in “All About Eve” and starred in “Gentleman Prefer Blondes”, “The Seven Year Itch” (which yielded the famous photo of her laughing and pushing down her dress while standing on a vent), and “Some Like It Hot” (my personal favorite). She famously serenaded John F. Kennedy for his birthday; she had to be sewn into that dress.

Low(s) of her Life: Her childhood was atrocious. Her mother was mentally unstable and in and out of mental institutions. Marilyn Monroe was nearly smothered when she was two and nearly raped when she was six. She suffered from depression and struggled with self-destruction throughout her life. Marilyn spent most of her childhood in foster homes and orphanages; at age 16, she married first husband James Dougherty, apparently to avoid returning to the orphanage. Her death was ruled an “accidental overdose”.

Who Sees Her as a Heroine: Lindsay Lohan cites her as a personal idol and Megan Fox is also a fan. Other admirers include smart ditzy blondes everywhere.

Popularity: 36% [?]