Celebrity News Blog / Xlebrity.com

Che Guevara DEAD Oct 9, 1967

Born June 14, 1928

Died October 9, 1967, aged 39

High of His Life: If you’re going to be portrayed in separate movies by “Hip-spanic” heart throb Gael García Bernal AND champion Latino thespian Benicio Del Toro, you must be a pretty big deal. Surprisingly, researching Che Guevara can be sort of boring. Oh sure he was an accomplished doctor who tried to help those around him and eventually became radicalized by the sense of poverty and desperation surrounding him. And yes, he did play an integral part in Fidel Castro’s Cuban Revolution(as well as revolutionary activity in a wide array of other countries), but really that’s it.

Obviously his greatest accomplishment is being on all those damn t-shirts. Somehow while fighting against tyranny and inequality often violently Che’s image became the “Golden Arches of the pinkos” as I have decided to call it. Can any of us forget the first time a full of shit person wearing a Che Guevara shirt told us about the power of hemp or 9/11 being an inside job?

Low of His Life: Guevara was so reviled by the United States that the CIA got a it’s collabo on with a Nazi war criminal to orchestrate his capture. No one looks good here. Prior to his execution by Bolivian troops Guevara was asked if he was thinking of his mortality. He responded “No, I’m thinking of the immortality of the revolution.” Meaning his prediction of the future was more off base than that of Back To The Future Part II.

Who Sees Him As a Hero: Rage Against the Machine singer Zach De La Rocha, models trying to look edgy, Hip-spanics everywhere.

Popularity: 14% [?]

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Ray Charles DEAD June 10, 2004

Born September 23, 1930

Died June 10, 2004 Aged 74

High of His Life: Ray Charles was one of the most respected and accomplished singers and musicians of the twentieth century. He had dozens of hit songs and is credited as one of the founders of Rock & Roll music. In 1954 he turned a song about Jesus into a song about a sexually generous woman assuring his place in the guy’s who make messed up shit seem cool pantheon.

His groundbreaking fusion of country songs into Rhythm and Blues song structure, Modern Sounds In Country And Western Music, changed the way the world saw Rock music and garnered a Grammy nomination for Album of the Year. Posthumously his album Genius Loves Company would win Album of the Year over Green Day and Kanye West in 2005, which is totally weird.

Low of His Life: Dude was blind. It is amazing that he was able to manage a life long career in spite of this short coming but boy that has to be the pits. I just covered my eyes for three minutes and nearly leaped out of my skin. Being a junkie couldn’t have been too awesome either, though being a rich junkie is the best way to try on the intravenous drug route still doesn’t seem so cool.

But if I really had to pin point what the low point of this blind, oppressed, womanizing, drug addicted, orphan it would have to be his four appearances on the television show The Nanny. For a blind person with a heightened sense of hearing being in the same room as the voice of Fran Dreshcer must have been nightmarish. What’s worse the writers of the show expected Americans to believe Ray Charles was not Ray Charles in these episodes but instead a character named “Sammy.”

Who Sees Him As a Hero: Billy Joel, John Legend, the Blind Boys of Alabama, functional drug addicts everywhere.

Popularity: 11% [?]

functional drug addicts, grammy winners, ray charles, ray charles rip, rock and roll, soul, the nanny is annoying

John “Teflon Don” Gotti DEAD June 10, 2002

Posted by TimD in Celebrity Gossip | Celebrity News - (0 Comments)

Born October 27, 1940

Died June 10th 2002, aged 61

High of His Life: Running the biggest crime family in New York is probably pretty fun. He has several very happy looking mugshots on file to prove how fun it probably was. I can’t say for sure but it would seem making money, having power, and being able to thumb your nose at anyone and everyone in power would seem to be a pretty exciting and ultimately satisfying life. Even if…

Low of His Life: …what goes up must come down and Gotti who was once known as the “Teflon Don” for all of the charges brought against him that never stuck, was eventually convicted of a wealth of charges in 1992. This would ensure that he would miss the internet a place where a sleazy guy like Gotti could make a ton of money almost legitimately.

Subsequently he controlled his crime family from inside of prison, meaning he had all of the work of a crime boss but none of the time in the company of strippers. Seems like a pretty crumby way to go out. Eventually Gotti would die of cancer in prison.

Who Sees Him As a Hero: Tony Soprano, Rick Ross and several rappers, Donald Trump, Italians unaware of the damage stereotypes can have on a community.

Popularity: 13% [?]

crime bosses, crime families, dead john gotti, john gotti, rick ross teflon don

Cochise DEAD June 8, 1874

Posted by TimD in Celebrity Gossip | Celebrity News - (1 Comments)

Born 1805

Died June 8th, 1874

High of His Life: Let’s face it, white people are the worst. Come on fellow white folks admit it, you are kind of the worst ever. Sure, we’ve invented things, we’ve done a lot of good stuff, but could any of it really make up for oppression, slavery, and taking everything the Native Americans ever had?

Probably not. Seems like a pretty stiff order for forgiveness.

So in that sense anyone able to ward us and our high and mighty, “we want everything” attitude, off for even a short period of time is pretty much a hero. Cochise a chief in the Chiricahua Apache tribe, did just that for many years and even managed to negotiate a treaty with Gen. Oliver O. Howard(a “white devil” if ever there was one).

The name “Cochise,” which obviously sounds really cool, has also found it’s way into the video for the Beastie Boys “Sabotage” and was the name of a character in the cult movie The Warriors. So that makes up for some of us white folks’ mass murder of “a people.” (It doesn’t by the way.)

Low of His Life: Let’s just say, if you think it’s hard out here for a pimp, try being a Native American in the mid to late 1800′s. Talk about hard times. Any time this guy found a place to settle whitey had to come and take it away from him. It was not cool.

Also his name was used as the title for the debut single of Audioslave, an awful band that took members of Rage Against the Machine and Soundgarden and dared them to do everything they did as poorly as possible.

Who Sees Him As a Hero: Political dissidents, Val Kilmer, anyone who claims to be or is part Native American.

Popularity: 24% [?]

cochise, native american culture, native american oppression, val kilmer is indian, white people problems, white people suck

Leonard B. Stern DEAD June 7, 2011

Posted by KristenM in Uncategorized - (0 Comments)

Leonard B. Stern

Born December 23, 1923

Died June 7, 2011, aged 87

High of His Life: The name might not sound familiar, but his ____ (noun) is known to us all. Stern was an American screenwriter, film and television producer, director, and one of the ____ (adjective) creators of the amazing pastime, Mad Libs –along with Roger Price. Stern was born in ____ (place) and ____ (verb ending in -ed) at NYU. He wrote for many classic TV shows such as Get Smart, The Honeymooners, and Steve Allen’s Tonight Show. Despite working on over ____ (number) famous shows and movies, we all know the most brilliant highlight of his career was teaming up with Roger Price and ____ (verb ending in -ing) Mad Libs. The popular ____ (noun) was created in 1953 and is still played today, even by ____ (derogatory noun) like myself.

Low of His Life: He tried to write a novel and went ____ (adjective). Another time he got so ____ (adjective) that he told a child’s ____ (noun) to take a ____ (noun) and stick it up her ____ (part of the body).

Who Sees Him as a Hero: ____ (adjective) children, ____ (male celebrity), your mom, and that guy who likes to ____ (verb) at the children who hang out in front of the ____ (location).

Popularity: 9% [?]

leonard b. stern, mad libs, roger price

Abu Musab al-Zarqawi DEAD June 7, 2006

Posted by MattC in Uncategorized - (0 Comments)

Born: October 20th , 1966

Died: June 7th, 2006

High of his Life: Abu Musab al-Zarqawi became a known Islamist militant in Iraq. He became one bitchboy in the multitudes Osama bin Laden had assembled to do his dirty work. He became a popular target on dartboards, in newspaper headlines, and in internet memes. And all the while he got married to both a 40-year-old and a 14-year-old and didn’t have to worry as coming across as either a cougar chaser or a pedophile.

As a side note, he clearly was uncredited as an inspiration for a character in the movie Team America: World Police. He’s the guy in the cloak with the long beard.

Low of his Life: Aside from being a known terrorist with a track record for failure and self-injury, he became one item in the laundry list of reasons George W. Bush emphasized entering Iraq. And, as if he couldn’t get any lower on the popularity scale, out of all his excessively violent attempts to become infamous he is often known as the guy who sent Saddam Hussein a medical bill for receiving a peg leg after an amputation somewhere in Baghdad. Durka durka herp-derp.

Who Sees Him As A Hero: Anybody still currently residing in a cave in the middle of the desert.

Popularity: 18% [?]

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Arthur Zimmermann DEAD June 6th, 1940

Posted by EricM in Uncategorized - (0 Comments)

Born October 5^th, 1864

Died June 6^th, 1940

High of his Life: Arthur Zimmermann was the Secretary of State for Foreign Affairs for the German Empire from late 1916 through most of 1917. In his limited time holding this prestigious position, the mustached German was able to effect the Irish Rebellion, the October Revolution of Cazrist Russia, and the outcome of World War I.

It was also said that Zimmermann’s wife, Gretta Zimmerwomann, made the best Frikadellen in all of Deutschland, though all knowledgeable historians know it was actually Arthur’s recipe (he replaced the Jewish blood with Gypsy Meat).

Low of his Life – On January 16^th, 1917, Arthur sent what would be known as the “Zimmermann Telegram” to Mexico. At the time the Germans feared America would get involved in World War I, and rather than take that up with us personally, they tried to get Mexico involved… which is like if we were playing pick-up basketball, and one team picked Lebron James while the other team got Clarice Taylor. Seriously, you need something to counter America, and MEXICO was what came to mind??

Then on March 29^th, 1917, Arthur made the biggest mistake any politician stuck in a controversy can ever make; he admitted it. His telegraph is credited as one of the main, if not the main, reason for the United States involvement in World War I, which as we all know led directly to the German defeat, since the United States of America never loses at anything, ever.

Many historians believe that none of these offenses, however, compare even slightly to the monstrocity that was Arthur Zimmermann’s mustache.

He died of pneumonia in the German capital of Berlin, a sissy Old-World way of dying only socially acceptable for those characters on the old Oregon Trail computer game.

Who Sees Him As A Hero: Both of his nephews on the Washington Nationals, Geraldo Rivera

Popularity: 19% [?]

Arthur Zimmermann, dead celebrity, World War I, Zimmermann Note, Zimmermann telegraph

President Ronald Reagan DEAD June 5th 2004

Posted by TimD in Celebrity Gossip | Celebrity News - (0 Comments)

President Ronald Reagan

Born February 6th 1911

Died June 5th 2004, aged 93

High of His Life: Ronald Reagan was a transformative figure in American politics. A force for realignment of our entire cultural and political identity as a people. Reagan was so significant to the Republican party that he remains the standard bearer for anyone running for President in the GOP. Ronald Reagan was also the Governor of California, and the first Hollywood figure to successfully move into politics which opened up the door for the likes of Sonny Bono and the Grope-anator.

Reagan was also a successful actor who once held his own in a film with a monkey.

Low of His Life: As a fierce proponent of “Trickle Down Economics” Ronald Reagan has been proven wrong over and over and over again. This is not to say that the theory is dead, far from it. Instead the theory is something like an untreated bedbugs outbreak in American politics, it never goes away because no one has addressed it at all. Reagan was also plagued by other controversies like Iran Contra, ignoring AIDS, possibly flooding the inner cities with crack-cocaine, and his wife’s obsession with fortune telling. He also nominated a lunatic judge for the Supreme Court in Robert Bork and was made to feel like a real dolt for that one.

As a result of these and other controversies punk bands spent the entire 80′s shitting on President Reagan’s head lyrically. What’s worse those are all the best records of the time period doomed to haunt olde Ronnie while he rots in his grave.

Who Sees Him As a Hero: Every Republican ever, Barak Obama(seriously, he’s said so), and 30 Rock’s Jack Donaghy, Anne Coulter

Popularity: 14% [?]

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Conway Twitty DEAD June 5, 1993

Posted by KristenM in Celebrity News - (0 Comments)

Conway Twitty

Born September 1, 1933

Died June 5, 1993, aged 59

High of His Life: Born Harold Lloyd Jenkins, Mr. Twitty held the record for the most number 1 singles of any act, with a whopping 55. It was only a matter of time before someone would top him and that honor went to George Strait in 2006. This twanging country singer received numerous Country Music Association awards and was eventually inducted into both the Country Music Hall of Fame and the Rockabilly Hall of Fame –and we all know neither matter in the music industry unless you live in the Bible Belt.

Low of His Life: Although it happened after his death, I’m sure Mr. Twitty wouldn’t be happy to be a running gag on Family Guy. Anytime one of the characters needs a distraction, or Seth MacFarlane wants to torture the audience, we get to enjoy (stab our eyes out) an actual live performance of his.

Another low? He chose to make country music. We all know the only decent country music was made by Johnny Cash. And by Johnny Cash, I mean Joaquin Phoenix in Walk the Line. No I’m only kidding…about the last comment. Country music still isn’t real music.

Who Sees Him as a Hero: The creators of Twitter, country artists prior to 1965, Seth MacFarlane, and possibly your mom.

Popularity: 22% [?]

conway twitty, country music, family guy, harold lloyd jenkins

Jack “Dr. Death” Kevorkian DEAD June 3rd, 2011

Posted by ChristineM in Uncategorized - (0 Comments)

Dr. Jack Kevorkian

Born May 26th 1928

Died June 3rd, 2011, aged 83

High of His Life: Dr. Kevorkian gained infamy in his unorthodox methods of assisted suicide. He challenged the taboo of death by, you know, killing people. Granted they were terminally ill and probably had a much worse fate ahead of them if he didn’t help them out. You might argue that being known as Dr. Death would not be the “high” of his life, but to him the celebrity and public attention he got was exactly what he wanted. So he came out and bragged about how he had helped kill over 130 people in his life. Definitely something you want to broadcast to an entire nation. But Kevorkian became a name spoken in every household, usually uttered in the same sentence with other words like “creepy,” “psychopath,” and “WTF”.

He recently appeared in the news a month ago when the van he used for his assisted suicides showed up on Ebay, who then pulled it down saying it was against their rule of selling “murder-related collectibles”. Damn it, Ebay, for ruining the fun.

Low of His Life: Despite his best efforts to convince everyone that assisted suicide was ok, he was sentenced to jail for second-degree murder, where he served his sentence for eight years. His lawyers said he was suffering from Hepatitis C, and while they claim he got it helping some poor people in whatever 3rd world country, I have a feeling Kevorkian contracted it from his best prison buddy, Bubba.

Who Sees Him As a Hero: Al Pachino (seriously, the dude praised him after playing him in that HBO special), any serial killer that ever lived, liberals.

Popularity: 11% [?]

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